Mindfulness Based Practices have a long history of being used for conflict resolution. States of Mindfulness are developed through practices such as Zazen (sitting Meditation), Tai Chi, Yoga, and other physical practices, which involve a focused yet relaxed mental state (for example, focusing the gaze gently on the leading hand during Tai Chi, while moving slowly through the movements). When one is in a mindful state, it is easier to become aware of the whys and whatnots of conflict, from both point of views. When aware of the underlying issues involved in the conflict, it is easier to discuss issues rationally, with a clear head and mind, rather than full of emotion and tension. Mindfulness Based Conflict Resolution can also help resolve inner conflict and misguided intentions. Becoming aware of the reasons one engages in self-destructive acts, as well as self-sabotage or negative relationships, can help resolve many issues.
I am currently editing the final revision of a book which presents teaching of mindfulness based in their origins in the martial traditions of China and Japan. It is a fun book recounting the story of three youths orphaned during the Boxer Rebellion in China, who are raised and trained by four masters of Zen, Tao and Kung Fu (including Tai Chi). Much of the book deals with becoming aware of what motivates the actions self and others, to gain a level of mastery over self which only comes with Mindfulness Based Practices. Each Chapter is tied to the appendix, which presents an overview of the philosophies and training presented in each chapter, and how to apply them to your own life. The book should be released by the end of summer. In the meantime, below is an excerpt from the scene when Reb realizes for the first time how much of people’s behavior is subconscious, and uses some of the tools she has learned to help the troubled girl through her anger and turmoil.
“I love him I tell you,” sobbed Ping-Ying, throwing herself down on her pallet.
Reb looked over from where she was laying on her own bed, thinking of the day’s lessons with the monks. Evening had fallen and the lamps would all soon be out, but the girls in the dorm were allowed half an hour to prepare for bed. Ping-Ying had been going on about Mo-lin, an older boy who had earlier in the day shunned Ping-Ying’s advances, calling her ‘cow face.’
“He is a peacock,” Chia, another older girl said. “He thinks he is too good for any of the girls here.”
Nan, the head girl in their dorm, came over to stand by Ping-Ying, laying a hand on her shoulder.
“You only love him because he is handsome and strong,” she said. “If you could see past his features you would see he is a pig’s butt.” The other girls laughed at this.
Reb was surprised at the head girl’s astute observation. At one time or another, most of the older girls had a crush on the handsome Mo-lin, resulting in many fights and disturbances.
“It doesn’t matter,” Ping-Ying cried. “I know he is the one for me!”
Reb listened to the girl’s last outcry, and wondered how she could be so caught up in love for Mo-lin. He did not seem that handsome to her, and his behavior was anything but attractive. She wondered how the monks would view the girl’s emotional distress. Would they say it was the ‘monkey mind,’ grasping after something ‘pretty.’ Would No-Mind allow Ping-Ying to tame the monkey, and see her infatuation for what it was? The thought gave her an idea.
“Ping-Ying,” Reb said, sitting up. “I know something that might help you get the man you want.”
Ping-Ying and the other girls looked at Reb, surprised to hear her speak. Although they were not as hard on her as were the boys on Gan and Jer in the other dorm, they still for the most part shunned her for her involvement with the foreigners.
“Yes,” Ping-Ying said haltingly. “What do you know?”
Sitting forward on her bunk, Reb looked the girl in the eyes.
“First you must calm your mind from your tears,” Reb said. “Start counting your breaths, slowing your breathing down with each count.”
The girl looked confused, but did as Reb said, breathing deeper and trying to control her sobs. After a few minutes her breath became more regular.
“There is a story,” Reb continued, “about a monkey that found a beautiful trinket that sparkled in the sun. He became so obsessed with it that he carried it around with him everywhere, and looked at it constantly. He passed food without eating, water without drinking, and eventually wandered into a tigers mouth, so oblivious was he as to what was really important – eating and drinking and finding safety.”
She paused a moment, seeing that the point she wanted to make had not quite reached the girl, although the head girl Nan was nodding in slow comprehension.
“The mind can be like that monkey,” Reb said. “It sees a handsome boy and becomes fixated on him. It sees his handsome features, his strong muscles, or perhaps his wealth or fancy clothes. And then tricks the heart into thinking it loves the man, when it is his status that it loves.”
Ping-Ying looked offended when Reb said this.
“What do you know foreign dog-lover!” Ping-Ying hissed. “I do love him, I would love him regardless of how he looks. He is meant to be mine.”
Reb ignored her outburst, having become used to the insults of the other girls, and focused instead on the girl. She noted with some satisfaction that at least the girl’s breathing had calmed.
“Humor me on this,” Reb said calmly. “I want you to try one thing more.”
The girl looked at her uncertainly, but finally gave a shallow nod.
Taking a deep breath, Reb began her instructions to the girl.
“First close your eyes.”
Hesitantly Ping-Ying did so.
“Now I want you to visualize Mo-lin in your mind. Picture his strong handsome body.” She paused a moment, then continued. “Now picture him fat. See him with his gut hanging over his belt, picture him with his hair falling out and a big broken nose. See him with big ears.”
As Reb said the last, she saw Ping-Ying actually smile a little, and the other girls in the dorm, listening intently, giggled.
“Now that you have this picture of him in your head,” Reb continued, “visualize him this morning, calling you ‘cow face.’”
At this Ping-Ying’s face became angry, and her eyes popped open.
“He is a bastard,” she shouted, her face no longer grieving, but red with anger.
Reb held up a hand.
“Hold in your anger,” Reb said. “I want you to picture one more thing.”
She turned and looked at the other girls in the dorm. “All of you can do this,” she said. “Close your eyes and focus your mind on your breath, counting each breath. Now picture a large footed, overweight and rather homely farmer. But see also that each day he makes sure you have enough to eat, each day he rubs the worry out of your shoulders, each day he combs your hair and tells you how much he loves you, and how wonderful you are. See a man that loves the same songs and stories that you do, that has many of the same interests as you. Now picture this man again. Is he really so ugly? Is the package worth more than what it contains? Think about what you really love and respect in a man, and do not let the monkey in your mind run off with a fancy wrapping, leaving the valuable contents behind.”
One by one the girls opened their eyes as Reb ceased talking, looking at her with curiosity. This was the most they had ever heard her speak, and they had been given much to think about. Nan in particular looked sideways at Reb. Something was different about her since she had begun working for the monks. Nan looked over at Ping-Ying, who no longer sat crying, but was instead lying down on her pallet, eyes dry and thoughtful. With some wonder in her mind, Nan ordered the lights out.
I am currently editing the final revision of a book which presents teaching of mindfulness based in their origins in the martial traditions of China and Japan. It is a fun book recounting the story of three youths orphaned during the Boxer Rebellion in China, who are raised and trained by four masters of Zen, Tao and Kung Fu (including Tai Chi). Much of the book deals with becoming aware of what motivates the actions self and others, to gain a level of mastery over self which only comes with Mindfulness Based Practices. Each Chapter is tied to the appendix, which presents an overview of the philosophies and training presented in each chapter, and how to apply them to your own life. The book should be released by the end of summer. In the meantime, below is an excerpt from the scene when Reb realizes for the first time how much of people’s behavior is subconscious, and uses some of the tools she has learned to help the troubled girl through her anger and turmoil.
“I love him I tell you,” sobbed Ping-Ying, throwing herself down on her pallet.
Reb looked over from where she was laying on her own bed, thinking of the day’s lessons with the monks. Evening had fallen and the lamps would all soon be out, but the girls in the dorm were allowed half an hour to prepare for bed. Ping-Ying had been going on about Mo-lin, an older boy who had earlier in the day shunned Ping-Ying’s advances, calling her ‘cow face.’
“He is a peacock,” Chia, another older girl said. “He thinks he is too good for any of the girls here.”
Nan, the head girl in their dorm, came over to stand by Ping-Ying, laying a hand on her shoulder.
“You only love him because he is handsome and strong,” she said. “If you could see past his features you would see he is a pig’s butt.” The other girls laughed at this.
Reb was surprised at the head girl’s astute observation. At one time or another, most of the older girls had a crush on the handsome Mo-lin, resulting in many fights and disturbances.
“It doesn’t matter,” Ping-Ying cried. “I know he is the one for me!”
Reb listened to the girl’s last outcry, and wondered how she could be so caught up in love for Mo-lin. He did not seem that handsome to her, and his behavior was anything but attractive. She wondered how the monks would view the girl’s emotional distress. Would they say it was the ‘monkey mind,’ grasping after something ‘pretty.’ Would No-Mind allow Ping-Ying to tame the monkey, and see her infatuation for what it was? The thought gave her an idea.
“Ping-Ying,” Reb said, sitting up. “I know something that might help you get the man you want.”
Ping-Ying and the other girls looked at Reb, surprised to hear her speak. Although they were not as hard on her as were the boys on Gan and Jer in the other dorm, they still for the most part shunned her for her involvement with the foreigners.
“Yes,” Ping-Ying said haltingly. “What do you know?”
Sitting forward on her bunk, Reb looked the girl in the eyes.
“First you must calm your mind from your tears,” Reb said. “Start counting your breaths, slowing your breathing down with each count.”
The girl looked confused, but did as Reb said, breathing deeper and trying to control her sobs. After a few minutes her breath became more regular.
“There is a story,” Reb continued, “about a monkey that found a beautiful trinket that sparkled in the sun. He became so obsessed with it that he carried it around with him everywhere, and looked at it constantly. He passed food without eating, water without drinking, and eventually wandered into a tigers mouth, so oblivious was he as to what was really important – eating and drinking and finding safety.”
She paused a moment, seeing that the point she wanted to make had not quite reached the girl, although the head girl Nan was nodding in slow comprehension.
“The mind can be like that monkey,” Reb said. “It sees a handsome boy and becomes fixated on him. It sees his handsome features, his strong muscles, or perhaps his wealth or fancy clothes. And then tricks the heart into thinking it loves the man, when it is his status that it loves.”
Ping-Ying looked offended when Reb said this.
“What do you know foreign dog-lover!” Ping-Ying hissed. “I do love him, I would love him regardless of how he looks. He is meant to be mine.”
Reb ignored her outburst, having become used to the insults of the other girls, and focused instead on the girl. She noted with some satisfaction that at least the girl’s breathing had calmed.
“Humor me on this,” Reb said calmly. “I want you to try one thing more.”
The girl looked at her uncertainly, but finally gave a shallow nod.
Taking a deep breath, Reb began her instructions to the girl.
“First close your eyes.”
Hesitantly Ping-Ying did so.
“Now I want you to visualize Mo-lin in your mind. Picture his strong handsome body.” She paused a moment, then continued. “Now picture him fat. See him with his gut hanging over his belt, picture him with his hair falling out and a big broken nose. See him with big ears.”
As Reb said the last, she saw Ping-Ying actually smile a little, and the other girls in the dorm, listening intently, giggled.
“Now that you have this picture of him in your head,” Reb continued, “visualize him this morning, calling you ‘cow face.’”
At this Ping-Ying’s face became angry, and her eyes popped open.
“He is a bastard,” she shouted, her face no longer grieving, but red with anger.
Reb held up a hand.
“Hold in your anger,” Reb said. “I want you to picture one more thing.”
She turned and looked at the other girls in the dorm. “All of you can do this,” she said. “Close your eyes and focus your mind on your breath, counting each breath. Now picture a large footed, overweight and rather homely farmer. But see also that each day he makes sure you have enough to eat, each day he rubs the worry out of your shoulders, each day he combs your hair and tells you how much he loves you, and how wonderful you are. See a man that loves the same songs and stories that you do, that has many of the same interests as you. Now picture this man again. Is he really so ugly? Is the package worth more than what it contains? Think about what you really love and respect in a man, and do not let the monkey in your mind run off with a fancy wrapping, leaving the valuable contents behind.”
One by one the girls opened their eyes as Reb ceased talking, looking at her with curiosity. This was the most they had ever heard her speak, and they had been given much to think about. Nan in particular looked sideways at Reb. Something was different about her since she had begun working for the monks. Nan looked over at Ping-Ying, who no longer sat crying, but was instead lying down on her pallet, eyes dry and thoughtful. With some wonder in her mind, Nan ordered the lights out.
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